one dream too big

The Lord’s been inviting me to dream with him recently. Note: I already am a dreamer, so when the Lord asks me to dream, it’s bigger than the crazy ideas I cook up on a somewhat regular basis.

I’m struggling with this one. Before I can even hit a real roadblock, I’ve already encountered barriers in my mind. I want open doors now. I want the blueprint yesterday. I want the higher-ups and authorities to approve everything the fulfilment of this dream needs with applause. My fear of the naysayers is real, because what if they’re right, and this is a stupid idea? What if I get one “no” too many for an answer? And what about my weaknesses – my impulsivity, my lack of experience, my poor follow-through skills – what if these become overwhelmingly destructive?

My friend C, who had no clue about the dream-a-cookin’, brought up the subject yesterday. He said the exact word that encapsulated the essence of it, and I took that as further confirmation from God to go ahead. C’s one in a series of people who have already broached this subject in this season of processing and praying about whether to shelve the idea, or wait, or go. C also gave a very encouraging word: “God halted the Jordan for Israel a few miles upstream. It wasn’t immediately visible or tangible, but the miracle happened the moment they exercised faith. The Jordan didn’t part when they took their first step, it parted something like two miles upstream.”

I’m standing at the beginning and worried about what’s upstream. I have hesitation still. I’m looking at the mountain when I haven’t taken my first step yet, and feeling overwhelmed. The Lord reminded me of that time my friends and I climbed Mt Kerinci in Indonesia. We saw the mountain from our homestay from afar, and it looked unscalable. But we put one foot in front of the other, and made it to the peak.

View from the foot of Mount Kerinci, beautifully photographed by my friend Sarah.

I want to keep praying about this. Not so much about whether God has really given the green light or not, but I want to pray about the how. Where do we start? How do we plan for this? Who do we rope in? Who can we count on to make this happen? More importantly, I want to pray for crystal clarity in my own heart, a resolve to follow him step by step and not try to bust out on my own, or make things happen on my own timeline. That I will not be tempted to define success the way the world defines it, nor let comparison with other similar movements (if I can call it that) overshadow contentment in God. 

Pray with me! 




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